You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
