I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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