Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
