ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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