she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
