WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
