Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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