fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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