1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
