Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
