why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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