is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
