Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
