I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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