uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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