My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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