It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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