You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she smelled like a LAN party
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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