i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
