I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
