If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
