my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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