OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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