How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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