I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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