I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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