At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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