There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
