i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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