seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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