Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
