You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
