You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
