Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
