i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
