We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
