I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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