I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize