apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
