Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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