I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
