When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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