While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
