You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
