i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
