Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forget how to act sober
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
