you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
