everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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