The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
