There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
