you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
