I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
