ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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