can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
