You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
