i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
