If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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