Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
