I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
