JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
