I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish you could order shots online.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
