Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
