direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
